i came back from camp feeling utterly depressed today. found a HUGE gapping error in my stock taking report and its all due to my negligence. haiz .. why can't i be more careful? cause so much extra headache and problem for myself and my encik =( i've only felt so down and depressed 2 other times in my entire 20 years of life ... was completely grouchy and absolutely rotten today but i still had to put on a mask and act as though nothing has happen ... smiling to all the people around me ... greeting all my superiors ... so fake. like forcing myself to change to my suit my surroundings. sigh.

i dunno why but i feel like i have alot of acquaintances ... but no close friends at all. no one that i can really trust and pour out my heart and soul to ... perhaps its the pessimistic side of my character ...or maybe its just an end product of the interaction of my unrestrained imagination and my low spirit ... i dunno and i seriously dun care. maybe He's allowing me to be tested or i'm being punished for something i've done wrong i guess. there's always a lesson to be learnt from all these pitfalls we have. surprisingly, i now find myself thanking Him; for allowing me to realise my shortfalls and point out my errors ...

alright. got to stop feeling so down and pull myself up. tomorrow will be a better day and God will forever be there for me. if God is for me, who can be against me?