retrospect.

couldn't help but let my thoughts rewind back whilst i was wolfing down my dinner in between mugging.

would things be different if i hadn't taken up so many things?

right at the start of it all, i'd always felt that i was in complete control of everything. that so long as i rule out my timeslots properly, there shouldn't be any problems.

so it started with Chron. and then scriptwriting. and then co-directing. and then being part of the cast. one entity, multiple identity.

Chron's production nites usually stretch into the wee hours during the scheduled days of the scheduled weeks. take production nite, mulitply it by approximately 5 times for each week and thats a rough guage of how thinly stretched i felt whilst juggling mulitple hats. though in the end, the show did make everything seem so worth it. all the time, effort and sacrifices.

it was a vicious cycle, as i find myself struggling with my work now. there's so much that i need to do within the short period of time i have left. as i sat in the room, trying to finish my dinner in the 10 mins i gave myself, i couldn't help but feel so clipped and lost.

i'm not longer in control of everything.

and yet, throught an unlikely person, i was reminded that even though i might have lost control of everything, someone else was, is and forever will be in control of it all. i may feel lost, but all these had its part to play in God's masterplan. so all i have to do, is carry out the role i am assigned. and walk out the road laid out in front of me.

thank you.