came back from the stayover/countdown at vivien and lynette's place this morning; another year has passed and another year i have aged; as i read dom's blog, i can't help but think back on the events that have happened to me this past year...

so many things have happened, events big and small; some brought joy to my heart while others threatened to break it into a million pieces. the foremost thing that brought great joy to my heart was the fact that after such a long time, our SS/BS class has finally bonded and shares a closeness that we rightly deserve so long ago. i must say that the credit goes to stan for all he has done to gel everyone together; lock-in night was the event that provided the opportunity and i guess he just took rein of the whole thing from there. it takes the right person to do the right job and he's the one to do it. i really can't understand how a group of God's children can gather every week to attend church and yet not get to know each other .. for more then 5 years nonetheless; but hey, better late then never right? and for that i really give thanks to Him.

the second thing that made it such a wonderful year was none other then the YF camp; who can deny the impact and changes it has echted on all of us? for me, Yf camp was the opportunity i was looking for, to get to know the younger people in church. Up till the point of time before the camp, my circle of friends in church had been limited to people of my age group, which is not a bad thing if not for the fact that we might end up as a clique and seem unapproachable to others. moreover, i've always thought it would be nice if i could get to know the younger ones and have them join us. i've been a youngster myself and i enjoyed having the company of people older then me; somebody that i can turn to for help, a role model that i can look up to and emulate. now that i've become older, i guess it is my wistful hope that we can become role models for the youngsters; individuals, that will shape them as they grow, and guide them to play more active parts in church activities. YF camp was the launching pad for me; not so much during the camp itself, but rather the aftermath of it. i finally got to know a small group of youths ... its not much, but its a start =) with God's grace, it'll be a small step towards something bigger.

but as we draw closer to God and his ministry, Satan also steps up his effort to thwart us from doing so .. and there's no denying that there's been certain lows in my year. one the major hiccups happened just before Christmas ... of all times .. Christmas ... the day when my heart should be bursting with joy. according to someone whom i've shared it with ... its actually a very childish argument ... is it? then why do i have this feeling that we'll never be that same as before again? that everything else that we do in future will just be a facade? an act? that there is no trust anymore? or am i simply being paranoid?

at this point of time, i've reached a crossroad on my christian walk; a time for me to make a decision. i'm out of sunday school now; i simply grown to the age whereby structured christian growth programs no longer exist. in short, i've graduated from sunday school. and suddenly i find myself lost; what do i want to do? or rather, what does He want me to do? i mean i've already explored that various avenues which i can continue to serve, but which one is right? join the choir and relive my passion, or the continue with 2:7 and continue to strengthen my faith? or should i teach? all these questions plague me as i give this subject further thought. please continue to pray for me yah .. that God will show me the right way and that i can do what is pleasing in His eyes.