the past week went by pretty quickly i must say; 4 weeks have passed with 4 more to go before i'm finally off this stupid island.

i must say it wasn't such a bad idea coming for this recourse after all. come to think of it, i'm really glad that i overcame my initial thoughts of running away from this recourse. i'm quite ashame to admit it but its true: i'm quite a cowardly person inside. whenever problems arise or when i stumble across obstacles, my very first reaction has always been to think of a way to run away from it or run around it. looking back, such behaviour has brought me alot of regrets and pain, but it really puzzles me as to why such realization never dawned upon me until now. the event that started really made me start to think about all this was during a talk that my OC had with all of us, with the primer question being " what exactly do you want from your army life?".
a very simple question, really, but somehow it got me thinking the whole night; why am i here, in a recourse company? could i have pushed myself just a little bit more back then when i went out of course during my first bmt due to my back injury? 3 more weeks and i would have finished my course ... if i had finished it there and then, i wouldn't be here now, where every action that we make would come under scrutiny, to see if we were try to malinger or what so ever; it was a sickening thought and so i told myself never to make the same mistake again. no matter how much the instructors push me or scream at me, i just smile and did as i was told; no point feeling angry or mad at them. what ever physically punishment they throw at me, i just take it as a form of exercise and switch myself off mentally ... it works! the lesson that i've gathered from this is that how shitty of screwed up the sitaution is, really depends largely on oneself; examine the situation in a different light and suddenly, it just might not be so bad after all~!

everyone who goes through bmt will definitely have to do the SOC, which is simply a 1+ km long obstacle course that supposedly challenges the mental and physical strength of each soldier. the bane of most trainees is this particular obstacle called the "jacob's ladder", and its largely due to the fact that a) its quite high, b) the steps are made up of round logs, thus offering minimal footing for you to step on c) general fear of slipping off and breaking your legs in the process. i've never dared to climb it as i have an inherent fear off heights, but i've made a promise to not give up just because i don't think i can do it ... so in the end, i took the leap of faith .. and went up the ladder. horrendous thoughts went through my heads ... what if i fall off? what if my legs get caught in betweent the logs? what if .. what if ... ?! my legs literally shook like mad when i reached the top of the ladder ... it looked REALLY high from where i was and i was like frozen at that point ... but .. no turning back now. took a deep breadth. calmed myself down and i stepped over the highest log. and then another log, and another .. and before i knew it, i've done it. i've managed to overcome my own fear and did something i never thought i could possibly do! so fy, don't stress yourself over something thats yet to take place and put yourself down just because you have no confidence or don't think that you can do it; just focus on the task at hand, have some confidence in yourself and set out to do it. i have faith in you, so have some faith in yourself~!

orite ... its getting late liao ... time to get ready to book in! gonna have dinner with my platoon mates before that and strangely, i'm actually looking forward to it! see you guys in a week's time~